How our loved ones live on

My dad played piano, and taught all four of his daughters to play. I never really caught on to it, the guitar was my thing. But I loved hearing my dad play and asking him to play my favorite pieces. Chopin, Rachmaninoff, Tchaikovsky, Mozart, and Granados were some of my frequent requests.

Other than the recordings we kept on the digital piano, I can no longer hear my dad play, and that makes me sad. But the other day, I realized something.

My daughter plays piano. It's always been *her* instrument, ever since she was 3 and figured out the names of the notes. She sat down to play the other day, and I asked her to play Rhapsody in Blue. She began, and, as it's a rather long piece, I had time to contemplate.

And what I thought was, "This is how my dad lives on. Through my daughter. Through her piano music, through her fingers." And that thought made me happy.

Helping Yourself-Exercise

After 3 months of feeling slumpy, I read a blog post one day, and the guy mentioned how much better he felt after exercising. Funny, I know that; but I needed to be reminded. That very day, I got back out the Wii and re-started Wii Fit. This 30 minutes in the morning has helped my mood so much. I still have grief to deal with, but I can make it. I am OK.

I'm reading this book, Nobody's Child, right now. What's great about it is it's specific for someone who lost a parent.

I recorded a podcast episode today, and talked a little about my dad.

Make up with your Father

A few years ago, a neighbor mentioned her parents were divorced and she'd never met her father. I asked if he was still alive, and she said yes. I asked, didn't she now want to meet him, and have him meet her children--his grandkids? She said no. She hated her dad. Because her mom hated her dad. And to stay loyal to her mom, she'd never make contact.

I couldn't help feel how sad it was, and to this day I often think of them and pray they were reconciled--before it was too late.

If there is something between you and your dad, make it up. Ask forgiveness; forgive him. One day soon, he's going to die. And it will be too late.

I'm grateful I got to say everything I needed to say to my Dad before he died. I hope and pray you will, too.

Books that might help in a time of grief

These books are helping me. Tons. My friend Beth was given them when her mom died, and so when my dad died, she gave them to me. They really do help.

My Dad was a Special Guy

I suppose anyone who has lost someone feels their someone was special, and it's true. We are unique and our loss is unique.

My father was born with a heart defect, and this made me fearful (that he would die) and yet appreciative (because I was alive and he was still alive to be my dad).

One of my earliest memories is saying to myself "I cannot get to 40 pounds. If I get to 40 pounds, my Daddy can't lift me or give me piggy-back rides any more." I had just been weighed and my parents discovered I was 39 pounds. At 40, all the fun would stop. My Dad could not lift that much. Right from the start, my dad was different from other dads. I had to protect him and make sure he lived. I could not turn 40 pounds. We know how that worked out. :-)

Angry with God?

Occasionally, I read some Guide for the Grieving or Hope for the Hopeless type brochure, designed to keep one sane after a major loss, and see inside the advice that it's "OK to be angry at God".

Now my reaction to that is, how can I be angry at God for my father's death? Then I must logically be angry at God for my father's birth, too, just to be fair.

And I could never do that. My father's life was so worth living, and naturally, I wouldn't be here without him.

I'm not sure I've ever been angry at God. What have I to be angry about, when life is so good and existence is so amazing? That the world contains death in it seems to be something that came with the fall, and that had something to do with sin, and that has something to do with me, not God, except in the fact that He gave me Free Will.

I have many other issues to deal with, but being angry at God is not one of them.

My Father in Heaven

Do you have a father in heaven? Of course, we *all* have a Father in Heaven. And maybe you don't know yet if your father is in heaven, although you may want to believe that with all your heart. Or maybe it's your mother, your child, your spouse, a close friend. Someone you love has died. And what does the world know about grief?

On June 26th, 2011, my father died. I'm going to share some short reflections on his life and death here, and I hope that for those of us who grieve, we might share a bit, and ease each others' pain.

For all those who grieve, let us pray to the Lord.